How To: Survive a Zombie Apocalpyse

by Nayeli Benitez:

Zombies, zombies, and more zombies! These days zombies are everywhere; you can’t escape them! From books (World War Z, Tooth and Nail) to television shows (The Walking Dead) to movies (The Night of the Living Dead, 28 Days Later). And we can’t forget about the real-life human flesh-eater Rudy Eugene and others who have us all believing that some sort of infection has spread worldwide that will soon lead to a zombie apocalypse. Now I’m not saying this is zombie attack is going to happen, but just in case, here’s how to survive one.

1. First thing’s first, when attempting to survive a zombie apocalypse, do not get bitten. This is the most important step in survival. Once you’re bitten, you’re infected, and that’s just no good for anyone.  If you do get bitten, you should either off yourself or tell your friends. There’s really no other choice, unless you’re A-okay with being a mindless human hunting zombie. “Hey guys, guess what happened to me, it’s actually really funny.” But no worries, I’m sure your friends will be gentle with their axe, chainsaw, or their very powerful shotgun.

2. If you’re a girl (or a cross-dressing male), avoid heels. I don’t care how “cute” your shoes may look, when you’re facing 20 plus zombies with their mind set on eating your face, your heels are not going to make your escape any easier. Make sure you have a pair of some sturdy boots that’ll last, and maybe some trail/running shoes, because you’re going to be doing a lot of running.

3. Throughout the first few days of the zombie apocalypse, stock up on canned goods, dehydrated foods, weapons, medicine, outdoor clothing, and fuel. And when I say “stock up”, I mean gather up a few semi trucks, fill them up with all your supplies, and park them somewhere that’s easy for you to get, but difficult for the zombies to get to. Also, driving around with a truckload of ammunition isn’t a bad idea either. I mean, this is America, there’s plenty of spare bullets to go around.

4. Thinking about buying a boat? Well, you should. It’s a great, if not the best, way to survive a zombie apocalypse. If you had a boat, you’d be able to set sail and live on the ocean (stocked up with all the right supplies of course) and the zombies would be stuck on land. Those bloody flesh-munching creatures aren’t really Michael Phelps when it comes to swimming, making your purchase of a boat your best bet at survival.

5. Use your common sense. Don’t choose a crazy man as your leader, and whatever you do, do not split up! Stay in a group. This isn’t like Scooby Doo where everyone splits up and ends up alright in the end. If you’re alone with 130 zombies, your odds at survival decrease significantly. Make sure you have at least one safety buddy.

You’ve got to be smart out there and stay ahead of the pack. Remember, the dead don’t sleep. If one of them catches you snoozing on the job unprepared, it will simply add you to the zombie ranks or turn you into an all-you-can-eat buffet. Good luck out there. And keep your brains where they belong – in your head.